There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
