Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
