dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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