Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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