just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
