if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
