Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's paint friendship bongs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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