My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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