you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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