the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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