I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
