why didn't you poke me back
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
