thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
