i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
