About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
