In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
