Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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