I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
