im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
