I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
