Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
