this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm bleeding and have questions
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
