stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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