god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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