summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
