Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
