I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
