The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
