Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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