I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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