Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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