Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
