just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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