for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
