She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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