I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
