maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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