So drunk its hurt
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize