Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
