apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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