What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
