so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
