So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
