Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
