dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
