I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
