She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
