I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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