Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
