Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
