Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
