Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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