I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
