I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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