She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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