Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
