: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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