if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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