Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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