Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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