I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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