wakey wakey hands off snakey
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
