and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
