This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
