Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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