What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
