Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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