Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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