Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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