cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
