i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
