When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
