I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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