lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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