Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
