Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
