I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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