You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
