Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize