someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
