i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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