You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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