Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
