She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
