Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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