he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I AM VODKA MAN
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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