My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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